Traditional Christmas

This year is different than most. It comes as a blessing I think. Along with Christmas decorations and music in malls, commercials and movies on TV, I am becoming more aware of how much I really love tradition. In light of so many years in church trying to be non-conformist and different in thinking than the traditional church culture, it seems that the more that I study Christ the more I find myself honoring the traditions of my past. I love the family celebrations, I would love a huge amount of snow and abundance of Christmas movies other than the one TBS replays for 24 hours, although I could watch that movie once during the Christmas season. All of my yuletide favorites however, don’t measure up to my desire to exalt Christ Jesus during this His advent.

Now I know that the Christmas season is not really the accurate date of the birth of Jesus Christ, but being celebrated as such for centuries and adopted as such by the majority of the Western Church, this season is especially dear to my heart. This is the time when Christ is exalted in hymns, songs, church plays, and sermons with the only other time of such intensified focus being the Resurrection season. So I don’t really pay attention to people who would rather it be celebrated in a different time of the year.

Back to tradition. I recently bought Handel’s Messiah from iTunes. Its a classical oratorio citing several Old and New Testament references to Christ, celebrating His advent (His first coming) and proclaiming His Second Coming. I don’t know of any other work so thoroughly done. Originally it wasn’t meant for the Christmas season, but has now become known for it because of the prophecies sung throughout it having to do with Christ coming to earth. I love taking Christmas hymns and playing them with my guitar or perhaps with a full band, but there is something to the majesty of a pipe organ droning in a cathedral with full choirs singing about the God-Man Christ Jesus. I know that Christmas is an awesome opportunity for people to come to Christ, but maybe its more of a worship service that we can bring instead. What I mean is, maybe in exalting Jesus in worship and just loving and declaring Him in this season, people will be more drawn to Him than trying to take out the tradition to make Him relevant.

Of course we could just make this a daily thing, studying the God-Man Christ Jesus. May your heart burn for Him. He’s beautiful.

Songwriters and Souls

I recently picked up the book, The Latent Power of the Soul, by Watchman Nee. Although I have not fully read it, in it I saw that he laid out various ways we can live out of our soul, not out of our spirit man. To understand this requires some clarification. Humans are made of three components: spirit, soul, and body. All three sort of work together but require the proper alignment. Really, that’s the heart of the matter.

I’ve found something that scares me. I just bought a new CD by a Christian artist and I love it. I love the flow. I love the sacrament of finding God in everyday simple things like doing dishes, sitting with friends over coffee, and so on that this artist portrays. No, its not the “deep” worship I’m used to, but its like the way Jesus doesn’t make things complex to those who are hungry. You see, when Jesus spoke in parables He made truth so easy anyone could understand it if they were spiritually hungry. At the same time, Jesus spoke in parables to make truth hard to understand for those seeking to find its meaning through their souls. Our spirits are the interpretive grid and are dysfunctional apart from the Holy Spirit inside of us bringing to us revelation. Jesus gives this to us.

My fear is that as a Christian musician myself, I’m prey to operating in, and ministering out of the soul instead of the spirit. I’m shocked by how easy this can come. It is so easy to create lyrics from my heart, without connecting to the Holy Spirit, put with it a catchy melody line and be swoon away by the soul. The more dangerous part is doing this to Jesus’ Bride! The career of a “Christian” musician never really needs to be terminated, even if you drop off the “Christian” part of it. I think we’ve seen this in our culture quite a bit with bands that start on a Christian label and then move into the secular arena. The problem is that their faith stays with the Christian label almost like it was borrowed from the beginning to win their success and fan base. It is always possible to operate out of our soul apart from Christ. People may follow us because we have the right lyrics, the right sounds, the right appearance, but the matter is our hearts. The Pharisees were chastised for having lips that draw near to God, but their hearts are far from Him. They were experts in appearing spiritual, but to be honest, to me that doesn’t seem so hard. To appear spiritual comes quite natural to us because I believe we are operating on such a low level of spirituality in the West as it is. It is changing and I want to change from glory to glory.

So how do I walk in light of that reality? I’m keeping the fear before me, because it is not an evil fear. If I have the fear of the LORD, then I can walk rightly. Really fearing Him, trembling because He’s not wrong and sees everything. Awestruck by beauty, goodness, life, passion, and hope in Him. My job is to say one thing, only one thing: what He says. I have great promises of songs that can unlock hearts and set people free and I want them. I want the shekinah glory of God to show up when I sing my worship song to Him. But I get that by opening up my spirit to His Holy Spirit, asking for revelation of the Word of God to move my soul (mind, will, emotions), and I’ll walk that out in the flesh (in my body). This is the only way to stay sane, to live with God as the center.

As the pressures of life, the weight of the world, the darkness of the present age seek to choke out the spirit of devotion and intimacy for the sake of productivity, performance and looking clean, I want my spirit awake. Really, John the Baptist was totally unattractive. His “melody” wasn’t popular. His lyrics didn’t fit the day. “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand?” Then walks in Jesus saying the same thing. Imagine their parents. “Ok, we’ve waited 30 years for those promises around John and Jesus’ births and this is what they come out with? I was hoping for something a little more…substantial? These guys aren’t really ‘winners,’ Jesus doesn’t even have an army to take the king out and start His reign.” In other words, nothing in their lives looked promising. Yes, renewal, yes, healings, yes, signs, yes cryptic sayings, yes to the beauty of God’s word striking our hearts, but the package was so unattractive, so despised. We can miss it because the greatness that really counts isn’t measured in this age.

So what do Christian artists do? The Wilderness. Go to the wilderness. Be ignored, be unheard and undiscovered. Play in secret knowing that you move the Father’s heart. Therein lies your success, security and hope. Security in this age is nothing before the God of fire who burns in passion for you. And check out Don Potter’s Facing the Wall CD, performance is dead.

Battle for the Eyes

I’m pretty sure I’ve spent way too much time on the computer. Why is it that we have to stare at a screen? I mean really. What was life before TV, movies, video games, computers, iPODs, or phones? Yes, books were around and one could get lost in a book. But that only lasts until the final chapter and is great just before a nap or bedtime. What about before there were books? Could it be that our eyes are starving to see something that we can’t see? Someone we can’t see? What were we created to see? My drooping and glazed over eyes will endure my brain’s relentless flow of thought. I’m pretty sure I’ve been at this moment before as well. Second time around I suppose?

Adam was the first man ever created. God breathed into Adam’s nostrils and he became a living being. What did Adam first smell? The Breath of God. What did Adam first see? The face of God. Adam literally walked with God, talked with God with no hinderance at all. Adam’s day was filled with working with God having dominion over the earth. “Hey Adam, I have something for you. Would you help me name all these animals I made for you?” I imagine the Lord would say to him. “Adam, I have a something for you.” Adam’s eyes grow wide and his mouth drops to the ground as Eve walks forth. “You created me for this? I’m like this to You? I’m made for you the way Eve is made for me, I mean, we are made for You because we are Your Bride?” They walked with God unashamed. They saw God’s face, daily.

So I ask what are we made for? Its coming back, “Behold, I am making all things new!” the Father shouts from the throne. One day we will see God face to face and walk before Him on this earth completely unashamed in daily communion with Him. It is already your destiny and all you have to do is say yes to it. It’s already been earned for you, have you entered in yet? I feel like the one who stood before Jesus and said, “I believe, but help my unbelief!”

What am I doing staring at a screen, engaging my heart in the frivolous and worthless chatter of the sons of this age? Why should I subject myself to the sight of this age? Interestingly, when Adam and Eve fell into sin, they “saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes.”

We are made to see God. I’m going to stare at what is real. The problem is that its easier to keep my eyes shut and chase my imagination in the darkness with everyone else. I lift my eyes up, I press in; because my sight will be restored in full when I see Him fully.

Night and Movies

I’m not an alarmist and I don’t think that I’m fanatical; I would say that I am extreme, but even then, I’m still far removed from the devotion to Jesus seen in the Scriptures. But I wanted to share a revelation or a thought that came across my path the other day. So without too many qualifiers and without as much personal opinion as possible here we go. 

I was sitting at home watching a movie when I realized an important element that most of my favorite movies each contain. I’ll give a brief list. Movies like, the Matrix, Stranger than Fiction, Whale Rider, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Count of Monte Cristo and others each have the similar element. The hero in the movie faces a death experience (or a near death experience), is seemingly defeated with all hope lost only to return to life in full vigor at the climax of the movie. This is the part we cheer and rejoice that our hero has risen and ultimately saved the day. 

These are obvious types of the Ultimate Hero, Jesus. Because He is not in the center of them, and they are without Him offering a hope or destiny outside of Him I would call them foreshadowings of a coming ruler that will oppose Him. Movies are not the false Christs mentioned in Matthew 24:24, so lets not draw some strange conclusion there. What I am saying is simply this: my heart gets vicariously swept up into the victory of the hero in the story and now here’s why that concerns me. 

In the first place, my affections are not centered around Jesus, who again, is the Ultimate Victor and Hero of our story. So I do not celebrate and live as though that victory is as much a reality as may seem the movie in front of me. Simply put, we have to put the story (the Word) before us, meditate on it, spend ourselves on it and then enter into that story as reality instead of filling our hearts with lesser stories of another “messiah.” 

And why should this be a concern at all? A man is coming into the world and may even be alive right now who will portray himself as the world’s hero in reconciling and uniting nations; he will bring peace in the middle east through covenants made between nations. Kings will follow him and people will be praising him throughout the world. The book of Revelation describes him as a beast, an unreasoning, wild beast incapable of compassion or rationality. The world will marvel and follow him. Revelation 13:3 describes the beast having a death experience and then being healed, emerging to be the world’s hero, at whom all the world will marvel. He will lead them into demonic worship and if anyone refuses it he will kill them. He will set himself up as God in the temple of God; he and those with him will be destroyed by God. 

So could it be that movies portraying a hero outside of our story of Jesus are setting us up to marvel at that which opposes Jesus, the anti-Christ? The anti-Christ will seem like such a good person, doing good works and reconciling nations. He will use syncretism in religion to draw people to worship satan as God, maybe even heroic stories promoting a false savior in them to draw away hearts from wholehearted devotion to Jesus Christ. I don’t have any real conclusions drawn except for this: love Jesus, knowing that the days are getting darker (1 John 2:18).

Spiritual Roots

During the past day or so I’ve been meditating on my spiritual roots. As I sit next to this fire I’m reflecting on the legacy that is my family’s spirituality. Someone recently delivered a thought from God my way about returning the fathers and mothers of our faith instead of living in “latest greatest” theology. I think it should be noted that theology when accompanied by a devotional spirit is an awesome thing, yet without a heart-connect to the Father it has potential to be a disastrous mind game about what could possibly be or not be of God. Far be it from me to accept a view of God based solely upon my own fallen human thoughts.

I am proud of my spiritual roots. I’ll begin with my grandparents, the Hansons. Earl was raised as a very conservative Lutheran. He was staunchly against anything but classical music, but was filled with love, tenderness and devotion to Jesus Christ and His Word. Had that foundation not been in place, I wonder what my life would look like. But I gleaned a lot from him, especially his intense interest in the end of the age. Now, I think this was mainly in his older years but I thoroughly enjoyed those times with him when he was alive. I think that I inherited his conservative values and love for God’s Word. My grandmother, Emma was raised Dutch Reformed. While I throw out much of Reformed theology, it is again the conservative values and a dedication to the holiness of God that I enjoy about her. Whenever I read from the New King James Bible I think about the Hansons with joy. They both began attending an Evangelical Free church at some point and never looked back. Today my grandmother is in a Baptist church, but really they aren’t different except in terms of governmental structure. Again, what was imparted into me was the importance and holiness of God’s Word into my heart. 

The Jarrard side is a different story. My Poppie, LeRoy Jarrard, has a long history with rebellion as well as my Nana, Edna Jarrard. They both stomped around in Georgia for a while living semi-indifferently in terms of religion. However, in Moline they wanted to raise their kids in church. Enter the Evangelical Free church of my grandparents. Their kids went through confirmation class. This was the church that gave my dad a Serviceman Bible. Eventually their hearts turned and they too began being serious about the Lord. All three of their children entered into ministry in some capacity. I think that theirs is a story of redemption in a sense. I think they gave me a deep sense of love. Despite some of the distortions in our family right now; that is, everything that we feel wronged about , cheated, or broken-hearted has to do with the deep loving relationships we have toward one another. What I mean is that even our issues have to do with how much we miss one another and long for the days of sitting around with one another. Weren’t the best experiences we had in the past sitting over at Nana and Poppie’s? Yes we were bored as children but that is a rich treasury of memory for me. I don’t live in the past and refuse to let that die as far as I’m concerned; I look forward to much more. 

The Seed of the Gospel is present through our family and that brings me a lot of joy. So that’s some of what has been imparted to me: holiness in life with a love for Jesus in His Word. What is your favorite family memory? What do you feel you have been given? Facebook or Email or Comment if you want to. 

The End or the Beginning.

Favorites and Freedom

I realize that most of my posts really are a monologue in my head and seem to be more of a memoir than necessarily present tense. However, since most of what I write on here I write because it is at least somewhat inspirational, I think I can get past the way it sounds to type this out in my head. And maybe this is just how story-tellers work. 

 Today began like any other day: I got up, spent time with the Lord, and came to the House of Prayer. After a few introductory matters, I quickly got into the prayer room to meet with Jesus. Upon arrival to the room I was handed a teaching CD a friend wanted to give to me (and which I really wanted to receive). All well and good until the disc got stuck in the drive. I got it out, and to make sure it didn’t work, I put the CD back in the drive just so that I could have the trouble of doing it again. Twice retrieved I gave the CD back. I had been observing the Lord touching this person’s heart. The people playing sounded terrible and I had to get over my quick and snappy judgments of their vocal ability. So my friend is getting encountered while I am whining about the person’s voice and the CD stuck in my drive. Then I felt it. 

Feelings of inferiority swept over me and I kept trying to brush them off. “What am I doing wrong?” was the question that I kept asking myself and the Lord. This feeling persisted until I began my set. As I began to play, I felt like I heard the Lord saying, “I love you so much,” over and over again. My attitude had been so awful the previous hour and the Lord breaks in with, “I love you.” This is who He is. I began realizing that my eyes were not on the Lord but that my jealousy had come from comparing myself to my friend. If I were in the encounter then I would get a swelled head full of pride while they would feel the inferiority. I think God hates this stuff; not His kids who wrestle with it. As a side note, didn’t we do this when we were young anyway to our brothers or sisters? God doesn’t like our immaturity, but He likes us even if we are immature. 

Later in the day as I was studying some things in the Bible, one of the singers in IHOP-KC began to sing along those same lines. She kept singing, “enough with this comparing, stop looking to the right and to the left; I have called you.” This was obviously the Lord singing through her. For that matter it had to do with some things I felt about when studying the book of Revelation. Again: inferiority, jealousy, self-pity. The truth is that God is teaching us how to be poor in spirit and there get revelation of the Word of God into us. And I think that He uses the above tendencies of our flesh to His good pleasure and sets us in the right path. I stood before Him and let this word soak into my being. 

Songs have a way of speaking to me like nothing else. My life is set to music and just so you know, yours is set to music as well. God is singing over you and directing you in ways that you do not yet know; maybe its even to read this blog…surprise! God loves you. Jason Upton has a song that I take as speaking into this, here are some of the words that captured me:

In the beginning God saw everything when love went wandering into the night. 

Was I first or last? 
Was I second best? 
These questions quickly pass into the light. 

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I’ll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own.

Christmas Hymns

Thanksgiving is over and as I fight my way past the tryptophan, the crowded streets, and the Christmas decorations being put up, I’m excited about what Christmas really means. I love the festivities, being with family and the food. I love the traditions of my family and the new ones being created. But more than ever I’m excited about the most beautiful aspect of all in Christmas, that it is the day that God became a Man, dwelt among us to rescue us from our sins, and set us free to be with Him forever. In order to wrap my own mind around that, I have been reading the lyrics to old Christmas hymns. I feel that they have fresh power to speak for today. 

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

-O Come O Come Emmanuel: Com bined from var i ous an ti phons by an un known au thor, pos si bly in the 12th Cen tu ry (Ve ni, ve ni Eman u el); trans lat ed from La tin to Eng lish by John M. Neale,Med iae val Hymns, 1851. Neale’s orig in al trans l a tion be gan, “Draw nigh, draw nigh, Em man u el.”

Hark the Herald Angels sing

Hark the herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled”
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
“Christ is born in Bethlehem”
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Christ by highest heav’n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin’s womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Hail the heav’n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris’n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!”

-Hark the herald angels sing” Christmas Carol was written by Charles Wesley

There are many such Christmas carols, but these are the two that are currently striking my heart with the theme as I have described above. Merry Christmas. Let’s Celebrate His victory.

Listening

I’m waiting for the rain, listening to the wind. 

whispers across ancient pages come into my heart

breathing anew fragrance pouring forth

scent of sweetness on my lips 

incense arising from within

myrrh takes captive a near dream

and in this wilderness will I sing

Vulnerability and Forgiveness

Recently at the House of Prayer I have been reminded of the power of forgiveness. Usually this is something that I take for granted in my relationship with the Lord. But then there are days that just make it really special. The Father, in His goodness, does not simply want to forgive us, He wants to heal us. Let me illustrate this with a brief testimony. 

Those who know me have heard my story about an internship I did in Connecticut for a season at the beginning of 2007. For the past year this experience has haunted me. I came into the internship with $500.00 which I had planned on giving immediately to the church I was interning at for a down-payment. This would have almost paid for half of the internship. The wise counsel of others was that I hold onto that money until I get a job to pay for everything. During the next few months with the internship it became apparent that I was not a good steward of finance at all! I operated out of a lot of presumption instead of operating in faith. The result was that I would eat left-over chicken from the family I was living with, crackers and soda from the pastors lounge, goldfish crackers from the children’s ministry (in an office desk, not from a shelf), and sometimes I would have enough change to buy fast food. When I finally ran out of gas, food, and pride, I told a pastor my problems. In the boldest tenderness she rebuked me and gave me money for gas. I then got a job at Express before heading back to Richmond, Virginia. 

Once I crossed state borders I have rarely looked back. But I could not escape the looming reality that I owed a significant sum of money to this ministry that had poured into my life. I had already had the price reduced because of the service hours I was doing at the church. I never did pay rent. I never wanted to look back because I wanted to move forward. So, as He is so good, when I began to ask the Lord about finances this was the first thing He mentioned. I sat and repented of presumption and pride and the accompanying hurts that came with that. I forgot about it for a while, paid off a credit card in the process, and began payments on my college loans. The dark cloud of debt continued to loom over my head as I thought about the church in Connecticut. 

For some reason today I jumped onto the church’s website and decided that I would email the senior pastor and accept his plan for repayment. Within thirty minutes he replied. “ Thank you for your email and tender heart toward God. We are so glad  to have contact and fellowship with you. We always remember your time  with us as a blessing and a joy. We hope you could visit here again  some time. Please do not be troubled over any “debt”– we have  forgiven the amount you owed and consider it gone.” 

I think in the plainest terms this makes apparent my sin was real, otherwise there would be nothing to forgive. But I had turned my back and written off this church to never see them again. Because of the kindness this brother showed me, I can have restored fellowship with him. This excites me the most. 

And I can’t help but think that this is an illustration of who God is to us. It wasn’t enough that I was forgiven of a debt, the Father saw fit to bring restored relationship. He is the God of redemption. 

Just  a few moments ago a friend from college facebooked me about my posted status. It says, “Shawn is now a lot freer.” I won’t put the dialogue here. Basically the Lord took something I said in one of the most broken times in my life and showed me that He didn’t leave in that time. Furthermore, He is the God who forgave me in that season and now He is restoring good fruit from it. This was a time of darkness in my life where I felt abandoned by God and friends, alone, and completely beaten down. I would sit on my guitar and cry out to God in pain, usually to me repenting for the angry, railing words I was hurling at Him in my immaturity. He forgave how much I hurt Him, how much I hurt my friends, and instead of just forgiving me, He restored something of that year because He is good.

Welcome and Brief note

Hi! I just entered into the world of wordpress. I’ve been blogging for some time but now I feel like I have a somewhat professional outlet for my updates. This post is more or less just letting people know that I’ve created a different blog so that people can follow my facebook over to this site. I like the clean layout and not-so-complicated format. I hope the switch is worth it. 

A brief note about my username and blog name. My blog is named, “Laying Siege to the One I Love” because this is how I view my relationship with God. I’m learning to love Him the way He loves and I want to run after Him with my everything as I gaze upon His beauty. My username is really about who I view myself to be in His eyes. I’m beloved and beautiful stone (Peter) in His eyes through whom He can release His Kingdom. Blessings.